Thursday, August 4, 2011

My sons disclaimer...

If you are to have my son over for a sleepover - here is his disclaimer..

1.  Go ahead and give a dose of Motrin before putting him to bed.  His growing pains randomly strike and make him scream like nothing you've ever seen.  Avoid this episode by giving him a dose of Motrin.  Its in a zip lock bag in his backpack.  (I usually do not encourage dosing any child with any un-necessary medications, but I find for the sanity of the supervising parent, this is a necessary dosage of medication.)  Rubbing alcohol or a cheap after shave can be applied to the legs to ease some of the muscle cramps should he have one of his Exorcist moments and you are desperate for the screaming to end.  It won't be the first time he smelled like a gigolo.

2. Cut him off from drinks early in the evening and make him pee before he gets into bed.  If he argues and says "MY NOT FEEL IT!" Tell him to go try anyway.   THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.  Make sure he empties his bladder.   If he has to pee in the middle of the night, you have a 50/50 chance of it waking him up.  The other 50% chance is that it will trigger him to sleep walk and find some random place in your house to drain his main vain at.   No, I am not joking.

3.  Make sure all doors are locked.  He sleep walks.  (Sometimes with the urge to pee, sometimes not.  If you find him sleep walking, its best to go ahead and help lead him towards the bathroom to try and pee.  Trust me on this one.)

To our friends who have lived through his growing pains episodes with out these warnings, I'm sorry.  I hope you aren't scarred for life.

And to our friends, who had to clean your sons bedroom carpet after Lane used it as a urinal - my deepest apologies.

All future sleepovers involving Lane being away from our home will come with the disclaimer above.  (And we understand if you decide not to have him sleep over after these being given these warnings.  Seriously.)

(And if it makes you feel better, I have spent many mornings reeking of cheap men's aftershave.  And personally had to drag the carpet cleaner up and down our flight of stairs that Lane used as a urinal once before I got him redirected to the bathroom.)

(Irony?  As I was finishing this post.  Lane came sleep walking through!  I'm going to tie bells to that kid!)

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